Dear 19 Year Old Pregnant Girl-

No, you don’t know me. No, we’re not friends on Facebook. You’re friends with my friend, and you’re set to Public, so when she clicks “Like” I can see your posts in my newsfeed. It’s equally entertaining and annoying at times… I have something important to say to you though. Those people you complain about, who say things to you because you’re 19 and pregnant, they care about you. Yes, it may irritate your pregnant ass and hurt your feelings, but deep down, those people are talking to you because they care about you and your unborn child, so cut them some slack.

The truth is, they say things like you’re so young to be having a baby because you ARE so young. You are just a baby yourself. I can say this because I was only 19 when I had my oldest. The only difference is, I was married, so people didn’t have AS MUCH to say (they still said plenty, trust me). They still have hope that you will go to school and do something amazing with your life (yes, being a mom is amazing, but it is so hard to keep a job, go to school, and raise kids as a single mom… I’ve tried, and if I do all three at once, I end up doing a crap job with at least one of the three). They want you to be successful, and they wonder if you have truly thought about what you’re going to do with the rest of your life.

I’m going to be honest… I never thought that it would be this hard. I had a husband, who was supposed to be my partner in all of this. I thought that I would finish school and become an art teacher. And it all went wrong. Sweetheart, you’re already starting this by yourself, and I’m sure you’re strong enough to do it, but I really hope that you have a support system. Those people who are talking to you, they want to be there for you, I can promise you that.

Now honey, I’m about to tell you something that will make you very angry with me… When you said that you can provide a baby with everything they need at just 19 years old, I completely disagree. If Medicaid, WIC, or foodstamps is a part of your plan, then you are not providing that baby with everything that he needs, the government is. If you are living at home, you are not providing that baby with everything that he needs, your parents are. If you do not have a job, health insurance, and you are not standing on your own two feet and taking care of yourself, then you certainly are not capable of taking care of that baby by yourself; simple as that. So you owe the people you so publicly chewed out an apology. I have worked for 12 years now, and kept off of government assistance for the most part, but I still do not provide my kids with everything they need by myself. My family is a huge support system, and they help me every step of the way. So suck it up buttercup, apologize and admit you need help… Because as much as we all would like to think differently, at 19 you do not have it all together and you can’t do it by yourself. At 27, I don’t have it all together to do it by myself.

Please just know, you have a long road ahead of you… And the sooner you realize you can’t do everything on your own, the better off you will be. I promise you, there will be plenty of people cheering you on, myself included. I really hope that things work out great for you. I hope that you finish school and that you do one day provide that baby with everything he wants and needs. But mostly, I hope that you wake up really soon and realize just how hard this is going to be.

Welcome to mommyhood, I’ll be your guide, your friend, and your confidant, if you ever decide that you aren’t going at this “on your own”.

With love,

Alicia