So this isn’t one of those posts that will be search engine optimized, or that I will even share a lot. This is a post that I am making simply because I have to get it out because it’s so gut wrenching that if I don’t talk about it, I may fall to pieces. This post is about baby talk… You know, where everyone around you is talking about babies and how they want you to have one.

My niece, my husband’s niece, has been begging for a baby cousin since we got married. Lately though, the push from the 5 year old little girl and everyone else is getting to be too much to bear. I know that a 5 year old doesn’t know better, but you would think that adults would be able to mind their own business.

I’ll be bluntly honest here: it’s not that I don’t want a baby. I really do. The hubs and I talked about it, and we both decided that my two were completely enough for us. Sometimes it feels selfish to think of it that way, but these two are on their way to being self-sufficient, and would we really want to start over? And, on a very real note, could we even afford another mouth to feed? Because babies are expensive…

I want one, but we know that the responsible thing to do is to NOT have one…

I’ve thought about it so much that I even have a boy name and a girl name picked out. I think about it every day. I think about what it would be like to have another girl in the house. To tell the truth, I think about babies all the time, but we made our decision and I’m okay with that.

I’m okay with our decision until everyone else puts their two cents worth in at least, and that’s when I stay up at night wishing, hoping, and praying for a baby. Because the truth is, I wouldn’t care if it were another awesome little boy (I know how to do the boy thing after almost 10 years of being a mom to boys) or if it were a little girl (I would kill to buy cute little pink dresses!), I would dearly love to go through that experience with my husband…

My husband would be the perfect dad. He’s already a great dad to the two amazing boys we have, but I would love to see him with a baby of his own. I would love to see what he would be like with a pregnant wife, or when he looks into the eyes of his baby for the first time. I sometimes feel like by making the decision that we’ve made that I am robbing him of something, even if he doesn’t fully realize it.

And it sucks. Enough of the baby talk. Please. I’ve really had enough.

Those baby names: Victoria Grace Babb or Patrick Richardson Babb. We’d call them Tori or Pat. Yes, I have thought about it a great deal, so please stop making me feel horrible with all your baby talk…